not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
