Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Watching her eat just hurts me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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