Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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