i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
