so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
