You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We got so high we made milksteak
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
