do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I believe in your delicious
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
