how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
