i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
