I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
