True but thats because hes a fetus.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
