Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you made out with another girl for some wings
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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