i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
