So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
