Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
