kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Less talking, more tequila
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
