Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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