since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You pole danced in your parka.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
