No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
