Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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