What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
