Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
