Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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