What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
