I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
