I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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