haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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