I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she peed on how many people?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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