Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
