sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
