I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
