we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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