Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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