just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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