I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
