Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
