yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
