That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hippo gnu deer
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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