I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
