I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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