Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just made out with a guy for $7.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
wanna go halves on a baby?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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