I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You dont lie about slip and slides
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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