Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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