Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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