we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
