He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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