i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
