On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
