we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
