I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
