You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
