Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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