So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
