All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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