By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
