Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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