You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
