omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Two words: blizzard sex
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
