yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
