Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
