Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
