I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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