I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
