Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
