Already got asked if we're dating
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
