I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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