it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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