Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
