Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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