U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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