I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
