I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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