Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
