My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
