You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
