from now on my penis is your penis
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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