evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize