Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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